Commitment is a daunting concept. I have given myself permission to break some long term but loosely maintained commitments. This is mostly in regards to projects and related materials. During my 44 years on this earth, I have had many interests. I can’t point to any one of them and say “That’s what I am about.” I collect materials and brainstorm. I write down ideas and start things. This iteration of my web presence is a great example. I’m telling myself that I need to put some content out into the world and revisit what it means to be a creator.
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In the context of our current time, there’s definitely a formula and there are right and wrong ways to put your work out into the world. An idea can go viral and snowball into a life of its own. I am intentionally not putting my efforts into social media platforms. The current landscape for content creation is a little alien to me. I understand what could be involved. I see people making it work. I don’t see myself as a person that needs to be a part of the attention economy. I’m probably sealing my fate. Maybe next year I will be producing stunts and asking you to like and subscribe. Doubtful.
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I decided to include the image above because it was the start of something. In grad school, I explored my identity, because that seemed to be the thing to do. I imitated what I saw as a contemporary style of expression. It felt self indulgent, and it is. A lot of creative endeavors start with things one enjoys. I had been mining the idea of living a suburban middle class existence. I had some inspirations, but my attempts to adopt a style felt a little anemic. I didn’t know what I was trying to say, and I don’t think I had enough experiences to solidify my identity and express my ideas.
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The photo collage is something I made after grad school. It was an exploration of a visual language. It was also an experiment. I like to experiment. Experimentation is a big part of who I am. It’s basically my hobby. The image is a print from a negative that was a photo of a collage of prints that I arranged. I photographed these objects, printed them in the darkroom and them arranged the printed objects into a pattern which I photographed again. I have a few versions of this image. I solarized this print and liked the result. At the time, I felt like the process making the image was important. I was spending a lot of time editing images in Photoshop at my day job, so I wanted to step away from digital process.
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Back to commitment. I submitted this image as a proposal for an exhibit at a local gallery. My proposal was chosen and a date was set. If I remember correctly, they planned out 3 years of exhibits. My date was a couple years out. I had a reason to continue the project. I had time to make the work. At the time, my wife and I were parents to 3 grade school aged kids and a new baby. Making a living was obviously a priority. So that’s what happened. I made a noble attempt at using my photographic knowledge to make money. I freelanced, taught workshops and pulled together enough work to feel like I could truly make a living being creative. I was miserable for a multitude of reasons.
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As I got closer to my exhibition opening, I took a corporate job. Insurance. It as certainly not the direction I was trying to go, but 12 years later, I’m still engaged in the industry. It’s not a labor of love, but stability is a really magical thing. As I got started in my career as a insurance professional, the deadline crept closer. I wasn’t going to be able to make the work I had planned on doing in the darkroom. My aversion to spending my after hours in Photoshop after spending my day in Photoshop was gone. Instead I was spending my day calling clients, answering emails and attending meetings. So the work evolved, because my life had evolved. I had committed to this exhibit and the opening day was rapidly approaching. I spent hours playing with compositions and came up with some images that tied up a lot of loose ends.
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Commitment is hard. Below is the final series of images for the series call “Anatomy of a Weekend”. They saw the light of day in 2013 at the James Watrous Gallery in Madison, WI. This is the last time I exhibited a creative project in a gallery setting. Other commitments became a priority. Some of the commitments have grown up to be amazing people who have their own work and commitments. That feels like a sappy way to end this post, but I’m ok with that.
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Today’s post is my way of committing to something new and giving myself space to let go of old commitments. It’s a blog post in the age of influencers and social media. Baby steps.
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